An Unfinished Life
I
It’s a Slippery Slope
He, too, disappeared in the dead of winter;
Flights were cancelled due to bad weather.
His flight to Aspen. He took another route.
The mercury read eleven degrees that night.
Cold waters. He jumped from the Staten Island Ferry.
He knew those waters well
as he did the ferry, which he rode often.
There were many rehearsals along the way,
each one involving water.
Turning his fears, obsessions and neuroses into monologues,
his own talk therapy.
We thought this protected him from the fate that befell his mother.
It’s a total loss situation, it’s a total loss situation, it’s a total loss situation.
Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony sits upon his piano.
II
The Terrors of Pleasure
In that kitchen outside Philadelphia, hearing
You and Terry Gross discussing Swimming to Cambodia.
A New York Jew trapped in the body of a Rhode Island Yankee,
you made your self-absorption our concern.
You at Lincoln Center, 1986
a table, a glass of water, a notepad
and your internal tickertape, which you shared with us all.
Afterwards, dialogue from Terrors
became shorthand between brother Steve and me.
An Unfinished Life
III
Life Interrupted
Let us mourn him, Spalding Gray:
Who disappeared on that cold day.
Marissa, Forrest, Theo; lullaby,
Morning, Noon and Night
That summer night in Ireland,
If we could just go back again.
And move the car, move the van,
Prevent the accident that changed the man.
Perhaps he found his perfect moment
By jumping into that strong current.
We see him wrapped in the arms of the sea
Off the coast of Phuket, where he longs to be.
The stage now empty, house lights on,
But your presence is not yet gone
Many will miss you and many will weep,
Spalding, we commend your soul to the deep.
Be at peace Spalding Gray.
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